Reposts, vol 2

"That's all I've ever been.
Cause you don't know me."
-Ray Charles


I loathe:
People in college who still can't quite grasp the intricacies of your/you're and there/their/they're.
Being the king of 2nd place.
The lack of control inherent in strong emotion.
All of the shitty early 2000's songs that Generation Kill got stuck in my head. (Curse you, Wheatus!)
Bayard
Christmas
The happy
Picking out gifts (to be elaborated upon)
The piano coda in "Layla"
This goddamn broken pixel on my laptop monitor.


"There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams--not through her own fault but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion. It had gone beyond her, beyond everything. He had thrown himself into it with a creative passion."
-The Great Gatsby


I dread going back home. I love my family and all, even the ones on my dad's side who make me feel like a fuckup, but I'm already pretty close to raging out. More importantly, my grandmother now needs more care than ever, what with the hip replacement. There are three scenarios I can see happening here. The first and most desirable is that my family adapts well to this and my grandmother has real progress. The second is that my family asks me to take a semester off to help, which I really don't want to do but would. The third is that my residual guilt takes things to the point where I volunteer to stay, which is not altogether unlikely. So I dunno.


"...but the point is probably moot."
-Rick Springfield


I'm retarded at picking out gifts. Part of this is that, being a useless bum, I rarely if ever have the funds or inclination to buy gifts on Christmas, and I'm a pretty awful son and brother and so tend to forget the birthdays of even direct relatives. This year I've allocated funds specially for this purpose, which means I'll probably need to get a job next semester to help pay off tuition and housing, but I've grown tired of bum-itude. Still, I have no idea what would work for most of my family. I have a rough idea of what to get my mother, but chances are she'll buy it for herself before Christmas, and I can't be like, "Don't buy this", because I'm old fashioned and like surprise gifts. Since my dad is basically me but with a work ethic, I have a pretty good idea of what to get him, but no way to get to the mall. My brother, ehh, I dunno. The rest of the family give each other actual awesome gifts, so whatever I get will look crappier still in comparison. So far as friends, there are only three I'd consider getting stuff. One is decided, and it's a totally shitty and lazy gift on my part but sadly probably better than what I'd get her otherwise, since, as the opening sentence says, I'm retarded at picking gifts out. My BFF will get something cool but cheap, because he understands. The last, I have a vague idea of something she'd like, but is it not a total creep move to buy a gift for a girl who shot you down? I'm pretty sure it is.


"I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?"
-Radiohead


I'm 20 years old, and frankly, I'm not sure what I want to be when I grow up. This is a pretty dire situation, since I am a grown up, sorta. My plan is to go to law school. After all, I'm getting a degree in history. My options? Pretty fucking limited. I can go to law school with a history, presuming my grades are high enough, so that's the plan. I'm not even sure I want to be a lawyer, but a JD can get you more than just a history degree can, so it seems like as good an idea as any. I've always had light political aspirations , but I'm not sure I have enough ass-kisser cred to do it. In Barack Obama's political memoir (regardless of politics, dude's a good writer, and he actually wrote his), he talks about having to lose the self-consciousness somebody naturally feels when they ask for money, because a lot of a campaign is doing just that. I can't even get over my self-consciousness about asking for help in a store. Not to mention that most politicians actually, you know, did stuff in college. Model UN, internships, etc. I'm content to stay in my dorm bitching on MySpace. So I don't think that dog will hunt. At this point, it's almost worth throwing all of my effort into becoming a space-faring bounty hunter.


"In my midnight confessions
When I say all the things that I want to..."
-The Grass Roots