reposts, vol 11

I weigh the consequences. I convince myself. I work up the will. Then I talk to her, and I lose all ambition toward digging myself out of the hole. I'm a fairly level-headed person who just fucking drops his logic when it comes to this one. Every rational part of me is screaming to get out of there, to either get used to the lack of advancement, or cut my losses and be back to where I was before I saw her again. I feel anger, and resentment, and apathy toward her...until she speaks to me, and I remember why I put myself through this. She said it best...to closely paraphrase: that she's as smart as me, that she shares the same interests as me, that she likes talking to me, that she can make me blush...I enjoy these things. It's time to move on in one way or another, and I know that on some level, but for now, I think I'm happy just being humored, sad as that is.